Time marches on

I find my self in a bit of a funk today. One minute Im ok,next minute consumed with sadness,then the next grateful for everything in my life. Such is the process of mourning. I've done it before. We all will do it or have done it at one time or another in our lives. Depending on how close you were to the person that has passed or in what capacity they affected your life will dictate how deep or for how long the grieving will go on. No matter what, it will cause you to question your own mortality.

Why are we here? what is this life all about? If we just die, whats the point? I believe that the human energy (spirit,as some call it) has to go somewhere. That is just plain ol physics. All energy goes on. I am agnostic. I do not know for certain what happens to this energy but I know it will go on.
Being a person that can have a decent imagination I can picture a "good" life force. Passing on to inhabit a new life that will have good things befall it. And if your a 'bad" life force,you will go on to suffer and live a hard life. Possibly until you get it right ,if you ever do. Most of our life forces probably fall somewhere in between the good and bad and we are just sent on a path that teaches us lessons we have not learned yet.

This is nothing I am certain about. It is just the way I think it may go. I really do wish I had blind faith in Jesus,or Allah ,or any number of "gods" that people worship. It would be comforting to say the least.

All I know is that I am acutely aware of how quickly our time on this plane goes by. You blink and another decade has gone by. One day your graduating from High school,the next your starting your family.
SLOW DOWN!! I hear my mind screaming. I am not ready for it to go by so fast. I want more time.

And I miss all of the people I loved that have passed on so much! I talk to them and once in awhile I imagine they hear me,and maybe even answer me. The memories swirl around in my head and my heart aches. I think of a funny memory and I smile. The worst thing is the silence. The phone not ringing,the lack of hearing their voices on a regular basis. The smiles in their eyes when they saw you and you them.

Then another week passes and you feel like you better get a grip and take what life you have in both hands and relish every split second of it. For to be able to go outside and look up at the sky,feel the sun on your face is a gift from this universe. Enjoy it,live it! Do not waste it on small thoughts,or hatred or pettiness. Embrace it,because every single one of those people that have moved on would tell you to.They know like no other what a gift the now is.
Laugh and love the best you can every single day as if it is your last. Hard to do? maybe. But so much harder not to.