Dad,oh how I miss you still...

My father passed away in 1995. Yet I still can remember the feelings like it was last week. Sure the sharpness of the pain fades away as the years go by,but the missing him never stops. My dad was my "person". The one person that I felt the closest to in the whole world. Even though I loved my mother with all my heart we did not have the same connection that I shared with my father. We simply "got"each other. One look and we knew how each other was feeling. I looked up to him as this larger than life person. I am sure that much of who I am and the way I behave is based on what he thought or what he would think of me and my actions.

He always gave me the benefit of the doubt and respected my opinion. I used to worship him when I was young,Then as I got older and I found out he was flawed and imperfect in many ways,I simply just loved him because of his un-failing love for me.

I am sorry he has missed out on so much. My daughter was only 12 when he passed away and she has memories of him, but limited. He missed her high school graduation ,both of her college graduations,and her wedding. He missed my third wedding (although he did meet my future third husband) and I wished he had been there to see that the third time has truly been the charm for me. He would simply be happy that I am happy.

He was larger than life. A truly fun fun man to spend time with. He liked to tell jokes and he had tons of friends. He was so generous, always giving people money or food or whatever they needed. He had a large personality. He loved to treat people to dinners. Food being his drug of choice and what would eventually ruin his health.Many of my memories revolve around going out to eat with him.
He confided in me. Liked to dump his worries and troubles on me because he knew I would listen and try not to be judgemental. I knew also in return he would always be there for me if I needed anything.

I think of him allot this week ,one, because it is coming up on the one year anniversary that my daughter lost her father and two because my sister n law just lost her father this week.
I take comfort in knowing that he is still somewhere sending his love to us and sharing in our lives still. He is in my heart all the time.
I miss his laughter and the look in his eyes when he would gaze at the ones he loved. I even miss his grumpiness and stubbornness. I miss the way he would bob his head and dance his shoulders when a song was on that struck his fancy.The way he could tell a joke,never forgetting the punch line. He was opinionated and at the same time fair. He stood up for unions and the workers rights. A advocate for justice. He was union steward for his local for many years.
He would hate what this country has become and for that I am glad maybe he is not here to see it. He loved to travel and he would abhor what we have to go through at the airport now. I am sure if he was still around he would be writing letters to congress and senate and the local papers. As he did so often.

Yes Dad ,you are on my mind these days. I miss you.