One should die proudly when it is no longer possible to live proudly.

My husband‘s grandmother passed away this week. She was 97 years old. I read over the memorial information and was shocked to see that she had been born the same year as my own dear mother. 1915. My mother passed away in 1997 at the age of 81. It got me thinking that 1915 was a special year indeed that produced these two special women.

1915 is almost a century ago. A century! This women lived through so many of the worlds changes. It staggers the mind to go back and think of how much she had seen. Two world wars, the roaring twenties, the great depression. The dropping of the atom bombs. Hitler. Several hundred inventions that changed everything.

Unbelievable to me to live so long. I just remember a very tiny woman with a big personality and a huge smile that took up her whole face. She seemed to love her family very much and was so proud of her two girls. It has been hard on my mother n law and her twin sister so very much. They did everything possible to take care of their ailing mother. She spent the last several years of her life in a nursing home. Her once sharp mind disintegrating with dementia. There were many times she did not know who people were. But she always seemed happy to see whoever came to see her, even if she couldn’t really remember who they were. She would ask over and over who you were and you could see her trying so hard to reach for that memory of recognition. It was sad to watch and sadder to go through.

We don’t know how long we have on this earth. I often wonder why some people go out so quickly and others seem to linger and suffer for so long. I think it’s not really that they have a life lesson to learn but possibly the people that are around them do. The caregivers. The caregivers get lost in the caring for the loved one. It takes a hard toll on them .For they have to make hard choices for a loved one that they see slipping away from them a little at a time. At times a caregiver will wish that the suffering will end only to at once wish that they will have one more day. Once the loved one no longer knows who they are there is not much comfort to be had.

Now is a time of reflection for my husband and his family to look back at the life of this women and what she meant to each and every one of them. When my husband tells me about her, the very first thing he mentions is what a strong woman she was. That is always the first thing he says. What a great memory of him to have of a very prominate woman in his life, one of strength.

As I enter into a stage of my life where I will become a grandmother this year I want to be that special person to my grandchild. Build memories with them. Teach them things that only I can, that their own parents have not learned yet themselves. Grandparents are able to pass on a certain type of love to a child. Its wisdom and caring that their own parents may not have the time to give them. Heritage and wisdom. I so look forward to bringing that type of relationship to my future grandchild. I want my husband to form a bond with this new grandchild so that he can see how it feels to feel that connection from birth on.

Rest in peace Grandma Scholes. Say hello to my mom. Play some cards with her, or some trivia. My mom was awesome at that. I just know you two great women will love each other.

where has the etiquette gone..or am I just out of step??

This is an issue that has been bugging me for awhile now. I realize that times are changing and people communicate differently than they used to BUT and this is a big but. When has it become ok to not even acknowledge a gift? Seriously? Or when sooo much time has passed that you almost forgot you gave it and theeeen you hear something?? (this last part is far preferable to hearing nothing ,of course) .

I am seriously at a loss here people. The past year I gave a shower gift TWICE and got no thank you what so ever. First time it was a pretty nice gift that a few of us went in together on ,there was no written thank you sent TO ANY OF US.NOt all of us attended the shower. I'm guessing that the person who went to the shower must have gotten a verbal thank you from the mother to be,but I kinda still thought you sent an actual written thank you.The second time I attended the shower and still no written thank you...... Did I miss the update? It's it old school to send a thank you or even e mail one??

Also this past year I sent gifts and never heard if they received them and had to ask if they got them...Has this happened to any of you? And how do you feel about it? Frankly I'm of the mind to just not send anymore to people that can't even be bothered to let me know if they got it or not ,not even to mention if they liked it....I can spend my money on other things for sure.
I'm really not liking this trend. In a world where most everyone communicates through Face book or texting I would really hate to see good old fashioned thank yous go out of style.
I seriously want to hear your opinions on this. Has this happened to you? Does it bother you? Am I old fashioned in this thinking?

Addictions,and not just the obvious ones..

The death of Whitney Houston has once again brought up the comments from people like
"Why all the hoopla for a drug addict?"
"why idolize someone who was clearly a bad example ect"
Well because none of us are the sum of just one area of who we are. Whitney was a person given an extreme gift,actually many gifts. A beautiful voice,a beautiful face , statuesque body, a loving family that supported her talents. Why would someone with sooo much blessed to her have such a hard time staying clean? It is a mystery.
 Addiction is based on many complex situations within a person. I have lived with people with alcohol addiction and it plainly ruins love and lives . As do many other addictions.

My father was clearly a food addict. Most of his life revolved around food. Food is the center of most peoples gatherings and entertainment.My father would already be thinking about where he would eat lunch pretty much right after breakfast. He was Italian and brought up with a high carb diet. Italians LOVE to feed people . They take joy in the pure ecstasy of eating with others. Eventually my father developed type 2 diabetes and also had to have a triple by pass and mitro valve replacement for his clogged arteries. His eating habits killed him at age 79 and he honestly was very fortunate to have lasted that long with the toll his heart had taken. Was his food addiction his fault? He clearly was raised with those attitudes toward food implanted in his brain. And as he became an adult food became where he went for comfort.Many of my memories of him revolve around eating and where we went to eat. It is telling that my daughter ofetn refered to him as "grandpa donut".
Other people turn to sugar or hoarding or starving or a slew of other behaviours that are harmful to them and are all forms of addiction or disorders.
I have recently been faced with some health issues that have caused me to make two very radical changes in my diet. Eat low sodium 1500 mg and no Gluten. I am finding how hard is is to do both. Last weekend I "fell off the wagon" basically it was my birthday weekend . Both Friday and Saturday I went well over my recommended sodium intake. I paid dearly for about 5 days. I was SICK,my ears were ringing like crazy,the fluid level came back up in my head and i had a small bout of vertigo again. It took five days for me to get my body leveled back out. It was my birthday and hey I felt I could "get away with it" How is this any different than an alcoholic taking a drink on the weekend and going on a binge? Maybe the difference is that what I did "mostly" affects just me. It did take me away from work one day and I mostly felt like crap all week and maybe it affected my mood somewhat.

Other addictions can result in very destructive behaviour towards others and that is what makes those types of addictions all the more obvious to everyone else. Many people are functioning alcoholics. They continue to work and be productive and really no one thinks much of it unless it starts to take a toll on their health or affects the people that live with that person.
Addictions of any type can be destructive. The key is to try to find a balance in life. If you are doing something too often that can damage your health or your relationship with those you love than you need to try to change what you are doing.
Am I going to throw caution to the wind and disregard my diet for a special occasion again? I might,but I will also know it can come at a very high price to my health. I have some pretty good self control,but I am human just like anyone else.
That is why I choose not to judge anyone,even Whitney,who just could not seem to stay on track. Even having a beautiful daughter and people around her who clearly loved her. I feel sad and it is such a waste for her to have passed so young.
 Why can some do it and others can't? All I know is I clearly want to be here for my family and my soon to be Grandson. I want to enjoy many years with them and when it is time for me to leave this world it WILL NOT be because I didn't try hard to take care of my body and my attitude toward others.

Punky

Feeling kinda "out of it this week. Fighting something possibly.Also for some reason my mom has been on my mind allot the last few days. She would be so happy for Rachel and Fred and the upcoming birth of their first child. I feel like she is around me alot this week. She has been gone since 1997. I am sure her beautiful spirit has moved on to it's next step by now. I firmly believe that we live many lives and that each one is a spiritual learning experiance. I am trying hard to learn whatever lessons I am sapposed to while living this life. I imagine that I will not stop learning until the day I take my last breath.

I am most likly thinking about my mom because I am witnessing my own daughter on her journey to becoming a mother. I am looking forward to this next step in her life. If I can tell her anything,give any advice...It will be to laughed alot with your child,life gets busy but remember to spend some quality time each day . Even if it is only 15 minutes to read a story or cuddle with them. When the times are hard and your child is making you crazy,and they will,reach out to your family and ask for help or advice or just for an ear to listen. That is what we will be around you for.

Now time to ge some rest and try to beat whatever "bug" is after me.

The reluctant cook..

Yep,that's me. I will admit it,I've never been a big fan of cooking. I do it of course,and sometimes on occasion I even get into the excitement of making a new dish. I have been known to cook some pretty decent holiday meals. But enjoy it? no.I juice on occasion and when my daughter was a baby I made all her baby food,most of the stuff from vegetables we grew in our garden and used a food grinder to grind up stuff when she was at that chunky food stage. So yes I do know my way around the kitchen but it has always been out of necessity not from any love of cooking.

We all need to eat so there for we must cook. Or do we... I have worked full time for most of my life. Drawing a paycheck since I was about 15 I think. So that always seemed like a good reason to eat out allot. You know,hey I'm tired or hey its too late to cook,lets pick something up. So maybe 3 meals a week would be take out or restaurant food.

THOSE...DAYS....ARE...GONE.

Back in October the ENT doctor put me on a low sodium diet No higher than 1700 Mg's a day and he would prefer 1500mgs,thank you. You think that's allot? Just read a few of the labels of some of your favorite foods and you will quickly see that most of you are eating WAY more than that. It will be an eye opener ,trust me. And don't say,hey I eat only Sea Salt,so that's better. Sure sea salt is better,but sodium is sodium my dears. So quickly I switched to no salt butter,no salt tortilla chips (0 Mg's of sodium,yea!!) and went about trying to find low sodium condiments. Wound up going on line because my favorite grocery store proved to be very inadequate in low sodium choices. Most likely will not remain my favorite grocery store for much longer...

And if that wasn't reason enough to start to cook more myself (its pretty much impossible to figure out the sodium in restaurant food even with a guide book) Now the gluten free challenge.

Yep I am being forced to cook more and hey while I'm at it I guess I should embrace it and learn to like it even if I can't love it.

Where did the "fog" go?

I guess I am pretty excited about all the changes my body has been going through since I started my Gluten Free diet 2 1/2 weeks ago that I can't stop talking about it. Well the next thing I noticed and it became more apparent this week is that the "brain fog" is lifting. It's not like I was going around with my mind all muddled all the time,but just a kinda vague foggy feeling. And truth be told I guess I didn't realize how much I had it until I have started to feel it "lift".

When you feel crappy and your body is out of sorts it takes a toll on your emotional outlook. Basically I think you get mildly depressed. I was finding I was overly sensitive to stuff. Things people said ,or didn't say, would bother me.(yes you can get upset when you "feel "your being neglected ) Things I usually could let roll off my back would just piss me off.
Plus I just felt "out of it" . Concentration not terrible but definantly compromised.
Well this week I have felt like a big ol weight has lifted from my mind. Like the sun burning off the early morning fog. My energy level keeps going up and so does my mood.

All this from a diet change...blows my mind. How powerful it is. I always knew how important  eating right was . And I DID eat right. Seriously I have taken supplements and eat in mostly a healthy diet for years.Anyone that knows me knows this.I exercise,I do yoga ect.  I ate raw for 6 weeks once and went from there to a vegan diet for 6 years. I only left that when I just was not feeling well and noticed I needed some meat protein.
So now finding how Gluten sensitive I apparently am and how it had slowly been eroding my health has been nothing short of a revalation to me.
I really feel this change is going to be something that is going to affect my life in more than just feeling better way. I'm not sure how ,but I can feel my advocacy side kicking up.....

allow me to rant...

Well this IS my personal blog after all,what am I asking permission for? Anywho... I am going to take this time to bitch about the current medical community. If you have read my last two posts about eating Gluten Free (if not ,you may want to do so now,so you know what I'm ranting about).

I HATE HATE HATE how doctors do not look at a persons diet before coming to any conclusions about what may be causing a persons mysterious Illness. Well you have an auto-immune disorder ,or Meniers (which is science talk ,for no known cause,Look it up cuz I'm serious). Take this pill ,take that pill. No real suggestion on what may be causing inflammation in that persons body. MOST if not all auto-immune disorders are caused by something causing inflammation. Cancer is also more likely in people with inflammation in their body. Now we live in a toxic environment for sure. Air,water ,food pollution is rampant. Just trying to keep your body healthy is a full time job with all those elements wreaking havoc.
So if you have a compromised immune system from a food allergy or sensitivity you become more susceptible to other illness.
It has been found that eating Gluten free has helped many conditions. Even if your not Celiac or gluten sensitive. Why? you ask? Because Gluten causes inflammation in the body. Gluten is hard to digest ,even for people that don't really show signs of stomach issues. Most people that do come down with ulcers,or colitis,or other stomach ailments will tell you they have some trouble when they eat breads. Breads tend to form like a lump going through your digestive track,well the ones containing sticky gluten do. Breads without this sticky substance do not have the same issues flowing through your digestive system.
I have completed my two weeks of GF free and now would be the time they suggest to reintroduce Gluten to "see" how my body will react. Ummm..I don't want to. Do I really have to? Why on earth would I want to start feeling like crap again? Lets see,I took Gluten out,I feel a load better. Nuff said.

Anyway back to my first point. Why are doctors so resistant to recommend that people try this? Well I have the answer for that. Number one,They know most people want a quick fix,I:E: a pill that will make them all better without them having to do anything else but take it. Sorry everyone,but that's the truth. Number two,they really are not taught about diet.

So what happens? People get so so sick ,They try EVERYTHING the doctor says,they go from specialist to specialist and still feel sick . Than they finally drag their poor sorry sick selves to an alternative doctor and plead for help. This doctor says ,OK you need to change what you put in your mouth. This is going to take a long time now ,because there has been so much damage to your body from all the meds and the havoc eating wrong has done through all the years.This goes for other diet caused illnesses like High blood pressure and Type 2 Diabetes.

I for one can NOT wait to see my ear doctor in April. I know my ear will be tons better because it already is. I'm going to tell him,"hey Doc,guess what I did to help my ear and everything else? I stopped eating gluten" Then I'm going to sit back and watch his face and listen to his reaction. This reaction will then determine if he will ever see me as a patient again .