Grief

After having a couple heart to hearts with my offspring lately it has come to my attention that sometimes the people closest to you are the most ill equipped to help you through the loss of a loved one. Sure they can be there to love you and well,just love you. But because of their own grief over the loss of that person ,they may not be the person to hold you up at that time.
Grief,its so individual and personal that no one person makes their way through it exactly the same as the next. BUT that does not mean that the struggle is not the same. Grief never ends it just takes on different colors as time goes by. It will be 16 years this August since the loss of my father. Yes ,the sharpness of grief has lessened with time. But the loss is still felt daily. I will try out a new restaurant and automatically think "Oh,Dad would love this place" Or I'll have a hard day and think "Wish I could talk to dad about this" Or my daughter graduates with her Masters and I think "oh Mom and Dad would be so proud to see her today"
It never ends,and it never will.
The other day I was especially down and started talking to my Dad. Yes you do talk to loved ones after they pass on.Well,I do. And I don't see anything wrong with it. No,I haven't heard any voices back. Once in awhile I "think" I feel an emotion from them. A feeling.... Wishful? Maybe,who knows. I choose to believe in it. I did have a "visit" from my father about two weeks after his passing,but that is a post for another day.

Yes grief,an emotion that can paralyze you and for some people alter their lives so completely that they can't function for the rest of their lives. For most of us ,we deal with it and get back to the business of living. We all know none of our loved ones want us hurting at their loss to the point that it stops us from living fully the rest of our life.So we try hard to carry the love we have for them in our hearts and remember the good times the best we can . And if there were bad times or unfinished business with the lost loved one we also have to move on . Regret,another emotion that walks hand and hand with grief.
Life,I haven't figured it out at all. You do get wiser with age in many ways. You find out that certain things are just not worth carrying to long on your shoulders. Shrug it off. But get any closer to figuring out what this life is all about? Well I haven't. Sure I know that loveing each other is the most important thing. Stop being selfish and extend yourself to help others that have it worse than you. But suffering and illness never seems to be dealt out fairly and that is the biggest thing about life that I doubt I will ever understand.
Yes grief ,the hardest part of life,without a doubt.

Is the Film Industry Good For Michigan??

I am personally rooting for it. I LOVE movies! Having owned a Video Store for 10 years when video renting was at its peak I have a personal interest in this industry. There is nothing better in my opinion than losing yourself in a great movie. It takes you to places that you can only conjure up in dreams. A good love story can touch you deeply,a good comedy can ease your troubled soul. I personally can not even imagine a life without this great art form.

I have read several reports pros and cons over the last couple weeks since the governor proposed his plans to cut the incentives. Most of the studies done have been favorable in stating that a movie being made here does indeed stimulate the economy and boost up the local areas business. Tourism also increases where movies are made. Mackinaw Island can testify at how much the filming of Somewhere In Time boosted people who visited the Grand Hotel since it was made. All in all most studies done have been in the positive vein. I do feel as with any type of breaks for business's this one included that there should be stipulations. Hiring stipulations,example,A certain percentage of the film crew should be filled by locals. Also local governments should NOT be allowed to get into joint building ventures with proposed film studios.
Since we are giving such huge financial breaks to the Industry we should not risk local government spending on joint ventures.

It will be interesting to see how this plays out. I can not see how pulling the plug on this now is a service to Michigan.

Communication,easier said than done

Communication. That is the key to success in ALL relationships. But oh how hard it is to do at times. Miss communication is the number one problem in the breakdown of friendships, marriages and between parents and children. It can go bad before you know it.

How to stop this from happening? Well I am no expert by any means. But I have raised a successful daughter in an environment that could have been toxic. Not that it was perfect and there isn’t a residual effect but over all I feel the communication between my daughter and myself was key to our success.

We have a mutual respect for each other as women that makes our relationship one of the most successful in my life. I wanted my daughter to become a strong woman. I wanted her to have pride in herself and be able to stand securely on her own two feet. Not to have to depend on a man to support her financially only to join with a man for love and companionship. The key to that was education and belief in herself. Many obstacles fell in the way of her path toward achieving these goals. And they were HUGE obstacles. None I could have ever foreseen happening. I had to make sacrifices for her that I wasn’t prepared for and she had to make sacrifices that she should have never had to make. When her father got so gravely hurt and she became his caregiver it would have been easy for her to abandon her goals of education and try to get a small paying job to help while she caregived him.

I was adamant that NOT happen. You must continue your studies I said. What do you do when in five years your father is not here and you are left with nothing for yourself? I said to her. There was one thing her father and I did agree on and that was this girl had the smarts to achieve whatever she put her mind to. It was a brain that should not go to waste. She just had way too much to offer. I knew I had to help to make sure that she could go on and get her education. Easy?? A big fat NO ! It was hard work for her. She almost lost her mind many times throughout the course of her studies. And so did I. I was running the race with her. Helping with her father as much as I could. Working long hours to help with expenses. Trying to talk with my daughter and COMMUNICATE. Never stop talking. Take the time.

The same with your spouse. So easy to fall into the day to day. So easy to think you’re on the same page and then all of a sudden to find out your not. Make that time to just really listen to each other and really understand what that person you share your life with really is feeling. Even if at times you don’t think they will want to hear your feelings, you still must listen. Not in judgment but with understanding.

These are lessons I continue to learn. Easy to go off the path. But much easier when you get back on the right path. The riches that you can share when you communicate in all your important relationships are so abundant!

The Wedding of Doleila and William

Had the honor to attend the wedding of my brother in  law Bill to his fiance Doleila this past Saturday. It was the first time that I have ever attended a Muslim wedding in a Mosque(Masjid).Primarily I was attending to celebrate in Bills happiness at finding a women to share his life. But I also was curious as to the customs and was anxious to observe.
Being agnostic I am curious about other religions. Understand that being agnostic does not mean that I am not spiritual it means that I do not practice any" formal "religious practice.I choose to not belong to any specific congregation of any religion. If I were to define my belief system it would be that I feel there is only one "God" and that we are all his/her children.I do not follow the belief that if I do not accept Jesus as my savior that I will be condemned.
I practice Yoga,which feeds my soul and my body in a way that I find comforting and spiritual.I practice my beliefs everyday with how I treat others and conduct my life.

But back to my experiences at the above wedding,
The first thing to note is that all women entering a Mosque must wear something on their heads. A scarf is what usually is worn.
When we arrived ,the woman were directed to a separate entrance labeled for "sisters". The men entered the Mosque from another door.

Once inside we were told that we could walk on the green carpet with our shoes on,but the brown carpet was not to be walked on with shoes. Then the woman were directed to a back room for us to take off our shoes and coats. I immediately stepped slightly on the brown carpet without intending to and was hustled off much to my embarrassment! I hadn't even been in the mosque for 5 minutes and I had already broken a rule.
Sigh..and I had planned to be so good at this.. anyway all of us women sat around on the floor in back waiting to be brought in the other room for the (Nikaa) ceremony to begin.

I could not help but be curious as to what all of the men were up to. As I looked around I felt that was what other non Muslim women may have been thinking also.

After a short time we were told we could put our shoes back on. Off the carpet of course. If I had known there would have been all of this on and off of the shoes I would have worn my mules,I was thinking to myself....
We all filed into the room that was set up for the wedding and  (Waleema) reception. There was a curtain divided from where the women would sit and from where the men would sit.We could not see their side and they could not see us.
 All of us women sat down at various tables.
We could see the Musalla (prayer area) from our tables. Not sure that is the proper word for where the ceremony takes place or not..note to self..(look this up). The bride was sitting at the tables with the rest of the women. There were chairs lined up in the Musalla and all the men were seated in chairs in a row. I kept waiting for the future Bride to go over to the musalla and join her future husband. That did not happen.
There was prayers said,of which they translated  from Arabic to English for those of us that only spoke English. Then the groom got up and the Brides Father got up and went before the Imam (who we refer to as a Priest to those of us unfamiliar).
I kept watching the future Bride during all of this and saw her mouth moving along to the prayers and her head nodding in agreement throughout the ceremony.
The next part consisted of  William asking for Doleila's hand in marriage from the brides father. The priest talked about what it is to join in marriage. It sounded like they strongly encourage members of this religion to marry. The only excuse given not to marry would be the inability to afford to.
Soon it was over without the bride ever being along side her husband. There was a signing of the Marriage license(Nikaa).
 I found this all so different to the modern western way of marriage. Felt a bit like more of an agreement between the Father and the future husband. Very old school,I thought to myself.

There was another period of praying of which some of the women left and went back to the room we first were in and prayed. Women do not pray in the same room as the men. The bride explained that she could not take part in this as her gown would not allow her to bend down and bow as is needed. They kneel on the floor and bow down in a pose that I refer to as the Child's pose in yoga.My daughter told me they remove the shoes to get better grounded with the earth as they pray to god.

Next it was on  to the Waleema,the feast or meal. The men were served first. They filed around the banquet table. When they were done ,the woman were asked to go up.Great care was taken to allow the guests (us) of the Mosque to go up first. While we were eating we were able to speak with the new bride a bit ,who is very outgoing and down to earth. We found out that her girlfriends had straightened Doleila's hair (which is down to her waist) and put her make up on for the wedding.They commented that she is a bit of a tomboy and does not usually wear make up.Doleila wanted to have her hair straightened as a surprise to her new husband. We had no idea her hair was so long as it was covered under the head piece and scarves and could not be seen.The bride was beautiful in a blue gown.
Some of us women were getting all the more curious as to what was going on on the other side of the curtain with the men. Some started to text them (which we were told was OK to do). They texted back with a bit of info as to what they were up to. My mother n law commented that she was missing her husband which I laughed about. Maybe that's the point of all this separateness I wondered. Makes the heart grow fonder?hmmm they could be on to something I mused. My daughter also commented that these customs must encourage a close bond between women.I liked that they referred to all women as "Sisters" Very nice. She also commented that wearing long loose clothing also may make the women less self conscious of their bodies. I had to agree.
After we ate the main meal I noticed they put a table of fruit between the women's side of the room and the men's. Both men and women were allowed up at the same time to take from it. Then it was on to the cake ceremony and the exchange of the rings and jewelry.

The bride and groom gathered behind the cake and cut it together very similar to western weddings . They exchanged bites. then they exchanged rings and the groom also gave his new bride a bracelet.The bride had wanted an Opel surrounded by blue stones. It was beautiful and went with her blue gown wonderfully. There was much picture taking all around with everyone wanting pictures with the new couple.

Then It was on to cutting the cake and enjoying that. Also the men and women shared the cake at the same time. So mainly after the main meal it appears that men and women can eat together.
The Gathering dissipated soon after with the new Bride and Groom off to enjoy their first night together as man and wife.
The women exited through the "Sisters" door as when we had come in and the men through their door.
All in all I came away with joy for the two of them. Also with a renewed understanding of another culture and religious belief that I was previously unfamiliar with. I was very aware of some very basic things. We are not all that different.We just try to get to happiness in different manners. No matter how we express our love and wanting to share this life with another human being,we all want security and love.

What is in those Flu shots??

The following is an excerpt from a reader of a forum I follow. This was written 2 years ago but the facts she states still apply today.

Many of the flu vaccines contain a whopping 25 mcg of mercury. That is 81 times what is considered the "trace" amount of 0.3 mcg that is now in many other vaccines. Women are now advised by their doctors to get the flu shot while pregnant, and most get the shots with 25 mcg of mercury, because those brands are the most available. So even with the reduction of mercury in most childhood vaccines, being exposed as a fetus causes a lot of damage. Pregnant women being advised to get flu shots is a very new thing, and happened after the reduction of mercury in most other shots, cancelling out a lot of the benefit to public health that would have otherwise been seen.



Vaccines also contain a lot of aluminum and formaldehyde. Even a little bit of injected mercury makes the blood-brain barrier more permeable, allowing the neurotoxin aluminum to enter the brain.


As much as it is inadvisable to eat high-mercury fish and aluminum containing baking soda, there is a world of difference between getting injected with something and eating something.


The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) admits that 1 in 150 children now has autism. More recent statistics from Tricare, the military's health care system, shows that 1 in 67 children has autism. Twenty years ago, the number was 4 in 10,000. So there has been a huge, huge, increase. In that same 20 year time period, there also has been a huge increase in the number of vaccines that are routinely given in childhood.

I can not understand why this is still allowed . And why they are now pushing Pregnant women to get the flu shot. The fetus is extremely susceptible to the dangers of mercury and other poisons. I continue to urge all of you to please research everything you put into your body in the form of these recommended shots. Look up the ingredients of what they want to inject you with and then determine if you feel this is something you need to risk putting in your body.
I frankly feel that we are the only ones that can look out for ourselves any more. Most medical people are trained in an environment that is skewed by the pharmaceutical companies. They fund many of the medical schools. This is fact. I see nothing wrong in us taking our own health and our children's in our hands and being INFORMED consumers.
This is not to say I am against ALL vaccines. Many of them have done good things. But it has become big business and when anything becomes big business the protection of the health of the people becomes secondary. Hence all the recalls on drugs that happen all to frequently now. The costs to develop medicines and vaccines need to be paid for. The only way to recoup this money is to sell it to the public.
It has turned into an insidious business and we and our children are all paying for it dearly. I will not feed into this cycle of abuse and you should not either. Know what you need to do to protect your health and what you don't need to do. Unfortunately your doctor may not be the best way to find this out. Do your own research.
Just be informed please!

New Year already underway..

Here we are with a brand new year. I gave up making resolutions a few years back. I do however try to use each new year as a clean slate. Time to get back on track with all the healthy things I do for my body. Nothing like the holidays to screw that up for everyone. So it's back to Yoga and cutting out the sweets. Stepping up the exercise routine and just generally back to eating healthy.

I have decided that this year I will become more active in charity work and being more vocal about some of the issues I feel strongly about. The last nine years I helped take care of my ex husband who was disabled. Since his passing in September I find I now have time to devote to others that are also in need. He would like that. And I know he is looking on and urging me in that direction.

Over the holidays my work took on Solid Ground as the charity we would help with monetary donations,clothing,and other stuff for Christmas. We also took on the Christmas gifting needs of one of the families that is staying there right now. One of the directors from the shelter told us a bit of how that family came to being at the shelter and it felt good to know we could help make their Christmas brighter.

My boss ,Suzanne is helping to organize a Golf fundraising event for them this June and I hope to help as much as possible with whatever they may need .

I also plan to take a trip this year with my husband to celebrate our 15 years together. He stresses about how we will afford it. Money has grown tighter the last few years for everyone,us included. So the challenge for me will be to find an affordable vacation place that will still be special to us,yet will not put us in the hole.
I have a few ideas that I need to check into further. But I am confident that we can have a nice trip without it turning into a big drain on the wallet.

Also I am purging "stuff" from my life and reorganizing my living situation. This started last year and is continuing into this one. I find that I feel more together and have peace of mind if my "house" is in order. Plus I just don't need a bunch of stuff around.
The laundry room is done (keeping that one organized has been a constant challenge tho.Its such a catch all area...ugh.
The bedroom is repainted and new dressers are on the way. The next room is the spare room ,that has turned into a spare bedroom /spare computer/library room . I know ,crazy... and then finally my work room will be tackled.
The closets redo will be thrown in there at some point too...

So as you can see already I will be having a busy year. Have to cram in allot of living and working. No wonder the years fly by sooo fast .
Hope you all have some plans of your own. Good Luck with them and happy new year!

Love my cats!

This is Craig and I with our two kittys! Grey one is Nikki (she is 16 years old!) and Angel (she is 14 years old!)
We love these two girls. Nikki is the most vocal of the two and the one with the most personality. Angel is the one who still acts like a kitten. Playing with string and loves to be chased. Nikki went through a rough year with a big weight loss and we thought we might lose her. But thanks to some thyroid meds she has gained a bit of weight back and is back to her old self.
We hope they both are with us for many years to come!